Isolation: A Look at This COVID-19 Thing from a High-Risk Perspective

Isolation.

Something you may or may not know about me: I am in the high risk category, and so I have been in isolation at home for the last two weeks with no in-person human contact. This is due to a) my age: 60; and b) my health: pre-diabetes, compromised lungs from asthma and mold exposure, liver disease, and a compromised immune system. Now, to put your fears at rest, with my doctor's help all of these conditions are under control. But it seems to me that if I were to catch this thing I’d be pretty sick, pretty quick.

Positive things:

1. It’s much harder to get the sugar (ice cream) and the deadly sugar/caffeine combo (Pepsi) that I’ve been fighting with giving up for years (psychological issue; we can talk about that later), so I’m looking at forced withdrawals. This is a good thing, and thankfully, I hadn’t been hitting the Pepsi much at all lately, so the caffeine withdrawal is barely noticeable and is more energy-related than headaches and such. Maybe by the end of this my A1C (how we track diabetes) will be down in the not-even-diabetic-at-all area. That would be wonderful!
2. I’m choosing to look on this time as a time to get closer to God through Bible reading and discussion with Beth (we're in Philippians right now), online church, and helpful Christian books. If you have a good Bible study you'd recommend, please advise. My friend Debra told me about one called Bible Recap that has an app and a chat room for discussion. I'll be looking into that as well.
3. Beth is making sure to contact me often and we are video chatting to play games and so I can talk to the kids. I'd love to chat, video stream, or get on a phone call with any of you who are willing. A friend I met through my former choir contacted me on Marco Polo (a video app) and we’ve been exchanging videos. So much fun! I'm on Skype. Text or PM me for details.
4. I have had to realize that the helper person that I have always been, taking care of others, is now the one who needs to be cared for. This is a really difficult concept for me! I will eventually need to ask someone to shop for me, because the online delivery options seem to be overwhelmed at this point. I will be asking my daughters and possibly others for help in this. (Deep breaths!) Did I mention it’s difficult for me to ask for help…? ☹ New lessons every day in humility.
5. It is so awesome that I am able to work from home! I appreciate Intellectual Ventures more than I can say. And working (virtually/remotely) alongside and in support of some of the people who are helping to track and stop this virus is the best!

A couple of the above things may look like a lot of hard work, but believe me, the growth and humility they will bring are worth the process. It has been my pattern in the past that I don’t tend to do well when I am alone for long periods of time. I guess I’m more extroverted than I thought…but as Beth reminded me the other day: I can do ALL THINGS through Christ, who strengthens me! And I also struggle with depression, and sometimes things get away from me. I've found Wednesdays to be especially hard lately (weird, I know!). 

I have many beloved friends who are affected by this virus; some are in the hospital,and some are under home quarantine. It's so important for people to just stay home so we can get this thing under control before the illness overwhelms our medical resources. I don't like the fact that if and when I have to go out, I am actually watching for other people so I can avoid them. Taking the garbage out has become a calculated risk, because I live in an apartment building with internal hallways (like a hotel), so I have to check to make sure there's no one else in the hall before I commit. And we have security doors, so I had to have Safeway deliver there, instead of to my door. And I wait until they're gone before I collect my groceries, hoping no one else comes along during that time. You may think this is extreme, but I will not risk my life just to take the garbage out or get groceries. I hope you know that if someone were in trouble, that would be a different thing altogether, and I wouldn't hesitate to help. 

I hope I am wrong in my understanding that it's going to be months before we can begin anything resembling normal functioning. I hope and pray that this thing blows over quickly, in a miraculous manner. But from what I am reading I don't think it will be over any time soon. I have spoken with a couple of people at work, at the Institute for Disease Modeling, whose job it is to track the spread of disease in hopes of predicting the future spread and cutting it off quickly - they are working closely with the Gates Foundation and others. They tell me that it all hinges on how willing we are to put our lives on hold for the foreseeable future and limit contact with others. If we can keep this thing from breaking out too rapidly and stay ahead of our resources (ventilators, PPE, and such), we stand a chance to be in some kind of control.

Wash your hands. Stay home when you're sick. Call your doctor and maybe even get tested if you are exhibiting those well-published symptoms or have had contact with someone who has it. Stay 6 feet away from others when you do go out. Send only one family member to the grocery store; don't make it a family outing. Buy only what you need so that there's enough for all. Go to the park, a trail, the ocean; get outside with your kids and/or pets. I saw on Facebook that one friend had gone hiking with her friends, arriving in separate cars and staying 6 feet apart on the trail!

Please, please, please! For the sake of those who can't fight this thing, please isolate. I get it if you can't work from home and need to pay your bills and buy food for your family. But there are still precautions you can take. And if you do have to go out please stay away from your high-risk relatives. You can deliver groceries and such without contact, and you can speak on the phone or video chat.

And most of all: THANK YOU to those who are keeping our infrastructure going. Who are putting their lives on the line every day to make sure others survive. To the nurses and doctors, the janitors, truckers, grocery store stockers, order pickers, and clerks, the emergency services workers, and all of the others who are keeping us going during these times. I don't know where the line is between safety and self-sacrifice; that's something for each of you to decide for yourselves. But I am so very grateful.

To those who have lost their jobs because of this and are in fear for their families, I am so very sorry and I am praying for you. I wish I could take each of you into my home and help you through this, but the only tool I have right now is prayer.

Speaking of taking people in, if you are high-risk and need to be isolated and are having trouble because family members have to go out and about, I'm just going to put this out there: if you can find some way to isolate for 2 or 3 weeks (so that I can be safe), I have space for two more people at my apartment. Yes, we'd be crowded. Yes, there'd have to be bed-sharing and couch-sleeping. But my apartment is fairly roomy, and you would be safe. Drop me a line and we'll talk. I don't even know how this would work, but there it is.

As for myself, I read a lot on Kindle Unlimited. I am watching all 5 seasons of China Beach on DVD, and have all of the Star Trek movies in line, as well as a couple other favorites, CBS All Access (Hawaii Five-0, NCIS, All Rise, Star Trek: Picard), and Hulu (Property Brothers and Fixer Upper). I have a puzzle I've started working on, a map of Disneyland that i'm looking forward to finishing. I am crocheting a blanket for Beth. I talk on the phone and video chat. I cook and freeze meals for later. I actually clean my house (True Confessions: it's been a difficult couple of years up until now, having the energy to clean thoroughly). I get the laundry done. I work from home. I have my painting supplies at the ready, and plenty of tutorials to work from. I read my Bible. I pray a LOT for all of you out there in the world. I go for drives, because sometimes I need to get OUT, and gas stations are easy for social distancing. I open my windows and air out my apartment any time it's over 55 degrees outside. I try not to think about what the future may look like. And I sing. I'm almost ready to break out the Karaoke machine and start singing my way through all of my CDs. (You don't want to know how many that is...don't worry I will be respectful of my neighbors).

I trust that God has my back through all of this and although I may be afraid sometimes, He tells me there is no need. 365 times in the Bible He tells me DO NOT FEAR. Daily I put my future in His hands. "I may not know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future."

God bless you all and keep you. 

I love you,

Sharon

Momishness: Just Plain Happy!

I'm sitting here on this beautiful July 4th, reading a book and listening to country music. Every now and then I put down my book and just sit for a minute and think to myself: "I'm happy". I have a smile on my face, and am dancing across the room whenever I get up from my seat. 

By God's grace, I'm healthier than I have any right to expect. My daughters are all settling well into their lives. Beth and Josh celebrated 10 years of marriage yesterday (I'm so proud of them!) and the kids are doing great; I saw them all yesterday. Shayna has a new job that she loves, and she and Robert are engaged and building their life together. Nicole and Calvin have moved to Indiana and are reconnecting with his family and enjoying exploring life in a small town in the Midwest; and it's a good thing. 

One of my best friends moved back to town. My job and my team at work are a wonder; I couldn't have asked for better. My home is comfortable and REALLY close to work. I'm on stay-cation for a week and doing only things I want to do (tomorrow is spa day).

I guess what I'm saying is that it's important to acknowledge these times in our lives. I am so grateful for my life. It's been a long haul to get to where I am now, and I'm not where I want to be yet, but this is good. There are things I want for myself and for my life, but for right now I'm happy. It's a resting point that I have been asking for for a long time. I keep asking God "why can't life just be easy for a little while", and you know what? He's answered and the answer was "Come to Me, all you who are weary, and you will find rest". And I have!

I love how easy and stress-free my life is these past couple of weeks. I love having the time to do what I want to do, whether that is reading a book or writing a blog post or cooking a meal for myself. I love knowing what to do to handle the health problems I do have, and knowing that it just takes baby steps, and every step is a victory.

And what I want most to do during this time is to get closer to God, "come to Him", so that during the next time I'm in a hard place, I will remember more easily that He is right there, walking beside me, loving and encouraging me, to give me the strength to get through it all.

I know this post isn't following the usual pattern of my posts, but that's what you're going to get sometimes.  😉

Momism: 
"Don't worry; be happy" Bobby McFerrin  "Be anxious for nothing..." Jesus
God has so clearly had my back over this past few months as I've gone through yet another set of health and life challenges. And I have begun to find the joy underlying all of everything else in life. I like the happy happy joy joy! It's so good!
I pray you all will know the joy I feel. 💕

Momishness: A Chance to Be a New You

Okay: you're moving into a new opportunity for adventure in your life. It's a new phase, a new game, a new town, a new job, a whole new world*! Take the opportunity to release a new you! You know, that you that's hiding inside you, the one you always knew you could be?  That You! 

Sometimes making changes is hard because so many people know you and expect you to act/react a certain way. And sometimes they refuse to see the changes you're trying so hard to make. But NOW. Now, you have a chance, an opportunity - nay, an obligation! - to get out there and be that person. No one here knows you, so it makes it a perfect practice arena. And pretty soon you'll find that you've had enough practice, so you drop the old and go with the new fabulous you!

Don't we all have that confident, competent, caring, charismatic, courageous, cool, dynamic, witty, outspoken (or some combination of these and other traits we admire) person hidden within us? Aren't we longing to release our true selves to the world? 
Because until we do, we have an excuse. Until people really know us, we can dismiss their caring or their advice or their criticism. We can say "you just don't know" and carry on the way we are without taking the challenge to become our best selves.

But when we are being our true self, we can take advice or criticism or help from others and use it as stepping stones to growth. We can look at their opinion and see if there is any value in it for us. Here's the thing: What other people say about us is not necessarily the truth. It's only their opinion, from their point of view, based on their past experiences. But it may contain grains of truth, and a mirror for our life buried within.

We also need those people who have permission to speak truth into our lives. "Here's something I see you doing. I wonder if you see it too. Are you okay with it? Is it who you really want to be?" These are not people who have assumed permission; these are people you have expressly given permission. And when they speak (which is a really difficult thing sometimes), listen openly. You have asked them to do a hard job. Show them you appreciate their love for you.

Maybe your change is only a small one. Maybe you just really want to wear a tutu all of the time. It's your new signature and it feels right and by golly, you're going to do it! That's wonderful! I say go for it!

But maybe that change is something more. Maybe it's that you want to let go of the tough exterior that you've nurtured for so long because you needed it, but now you have grown into someone who is sweet and gentle and loving and no longer needs to face the world with a protective layer. It's time for transformation, and now is your opportunity. Come out of that cocoon and fly!

Momism:
"Transformation in the world happens when people are healed and start investing in other people." Michael W Smith

And here's another thing: when I become my truest, best self, I begin reaching out to others, to help them become their truest, best selves. And a caution: everything changes all of the time. I have learned that my changes today will not last any longer than I need them to. At some future point I may require new changes. That's the beauty of life: we are always changing, always growing, always becoming the newest, most fabulous version of ourselves. And that's as it should be. Embrace change. Be excited for growth. Be curious about yourself. Explore and experiment until you find the true YOU.

I love you and support you in these changes you are going through, whatever they may be, and I'm looking forward to the process.



*Warning: Spontaneous song references will occur. It's who I am. ;)

Momishness: Adventure and Opportunity Await!

Sometimes we are given the chance for a do-over. We get to pick up from a new position in life and, leaving the old behind, forge new pathways into the future. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise… Oops, sorry! Wrong story! 😉

Sometimes it’s a move across the country, leaving everything you knew behind and starting a new life in a new place, with new people all around. Sometimes it’s a death or a divorce, leaving you in an unforeseen new situation. Sometimes it’s just waking up one day with a new attitude and a new dream for your life. It’s not always easy and it’s not always fun, but’s it’s still an adventure and an opportunity – or maybe an opportunity for adventure!

When you face these changes, they are not always your own doing, but they are always about you and your life. A few things to think about:

·       

     Be brave. Whether this is something you have decided upon, or circumstances have forced you to it, face it with courage.

·       

     Be strong. You know that this must happen, and you know that you are a competent and capable person. You can do this!

·       

     Remember your support people. Being strong does not mean you won’t need help. Think about the ones who love you and support you, and if you need them, call on them. They are ready and willing to help in any way they can.

·      

        Breathe. Sometimes all you need to clear your head and help you think clearly is to take a deep breath. Just breathe. And then breathe again.

·      
        Share the experience. Share your feelings and how you are seeing what is happening. Talk about your fears and your what-ifs and get it all out there. Share your excitement and the cool new things you’re discovering, whether about the situation or about yourself. And encourage others to share with you. If you don’t have anyone you trust to share with, I urge you to write it down. Journal your thoughts each day, make lists, write down random snippets on napkins at truck stops.  Just the process of going over it with fresh eyes can help organize your thoughts into something meaningful to you.

And remember this: things won’t always go the way you think or hope they will. But it’s your choice how you react. You can get depressed and feel defeated and moan and cry, or you smoothly change course, with hope in your heart for a bright future. C’mon, Pollyanna, you can do it!

Mom-ism:

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Remember that in all things you can turn to God. He loves you and is always there for you, and if you trust in Him, you can be assured that He cares for you.

And I too am always there for you; praying over your life, thinking of you with love.

And here’s a little song to go with that.

Momishness: The Past Matters

Ah, the past! We can say all we want that the past is past and we're facing the future, so let's just forget it and move on, but that's not how it really works, is it?
Everything I do and say, every attitude, every opinion, every context and every way I look at the world is shaped by my past. This is true for everyone. The things I went through as a child, the people who helped mold and change me, all of my interactions, and all of the trauma, joy, tragedy, pain, and happiness I have experienced have worked to make me into the person I am today. And in the same way every reaction I have to every interaction in my life is shaped by my past. 
In the previous post I spoke about arguments and how easily they can get out of hand. Another piece of this is the backgrounds of the people who are having the conversation. Whether it is the near past: "I'm having a really rough day", the far past: "I had a troubled childhood", bad news I've received: "I/my relative/my child/my friend was just diagnosed with a serious illness", or "it's just plain been a rough life for me" (from my perspective!), all of these things frame the way I will respond in any given situation. 
Therefore the more I know about my triggers, hot buttons, and red flags, the more I will have the tools to decipher and control my reactions so that I may relate in a more appropriate manner to another person. And the more they know about me, the better off we both are, too.
Say for instance, that I had a childhood full of the message "you are not good enough". Any time you approach me with a message I hear as "you're not good enough", it's going to throw me into a reaction that stems from my childhood rather than my current relationship with you.
Did you hear what was going on in that last sentence? It's all about how I hear/receive the message, not about what you are actually saying. So here's another thing to watch for in arguments: Is the other person reacting in a way that is appropriate to what is being communicated? Both people have to look at it from both sides to make sure the communication is effective. And if it looks like something is wrong, go back to the questions from the last post to check in with each other and make sure of what's happening.
A friend told me the other day that when he was in marriage counseling, the counselor made each of them tell the other their life story; the whole story. They had to take the full hour to tell the other one everything they remember about their life, especially the way they felt about themselves during any given stage. I LOVE THIS! I think it's really important to know each other really well, if you're planning to spend the rest of your lives together. And what did the counselor ask at the end of each session? "Do you still like each other?"
Not every relationship requires this level of involvement; of course not. But really important primary relationships? Yes Ma'am and Yes, Sir! It's worth the time and energy, in my opinion, to make sure you really know each other and are able to empathize and avoid some of the pitfalls waiting for you because of your past. Or to at least step carefully and explode those land mines gently and in controlled circumstances, with love and compassion. And with permission.
So if you're on a really long road trip, let's say, with lots and lots of time to just talk, why not go for it? Talk about your past: all the things that make you who you are. And the other person gets to listen; they can ask clarifying questions, but cannot interject their own story until it is their turn. Who knows what you'll find, together! 

Mom-ism: 
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past"  Isaiah 43:18
Okay, I know this appears to go against everything I just said, but hear me out! The past is useful in the lessons we can learn from it and the wisdom we have gained. We should remember the lessons of the past, but we should strive to put them into use and then let the past go. Do not dwell on things that are gone; look toward the future with hope and live in the present with joy and love.
I love you and pray for you always. 💗

Momishness: Arguments

As my first installment, I'm going to write about arguing! Arguing and conflict are my least favorite things in the whole wide world, so I guess it's a good place to start. Something I have been thinking about a lot lately is this: when an argument starts and appears to be getting out of control or turning into a fight, it's time to stop and think about some things.

I have noticed that a lot of arguments escalate because of a miscommunication, or an assumption, if you will. One party assumes that they are hearing something that hurts their feelings and the fight is on. What may have actually happened is that the person who they are fighting with was not really saying what was heard at all. Sometimes we just need to stop and ask ourselves a few questions - and really think them through - before going on the defensive. 

Before things really get out of hand, what if we stop, take a breath, and ask (and answer):

• Who is the person I am arguing with? What do they mean to me?
• This is my partner, whom I love, and they love me. SAY IT.
• This is my friend and we care about each other.
• This is my boss, whom I respect and who has always shown respect for me.
• Why would they want to hurt me or hurt my feelings? Are they purposely trying to do so?
• Obviously, they wouldn't. 
• If they would, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship
• Is it time to stop and regroup and maybe check for misunderstanding/ miscommunication?
• YES! 
• Am I hangry, in need of a Snicker bar, or otherwise just a little out of my normal mood today?
• Take a break and fix that, quick!

This conversation would go something like this: "I know you love me and I can't imagine that you want to hurt me, and yet I am feeling hurt. So I think I need to check out what I understand you to be saying that I may have misunderstood. What I am hearing is ____________. Please explain to me how this is different than what you meant."

Or 

"I am not feeling like I am getting across what I am trying to say, and I think it's because i need to eat something -or- my mood is off and this is not a good time for this type of conversation -or- whatever the case may be. Can we please come back to this?" (set a time/date) And then stick to that commitment to revisit the conversation, whether it's 10 minutes or 10 days later. I don't recommend waiting 10 days, by the way.

I understand that we can't always just stop everything and be all reasonable right in the middle of a fight. But maybe by thinking of these things beforehand, we can be gentler with each other. We come from a place of caring and assume we each want the best for each other, and that we wouldn't hurt each other on purpose, so there must be something else going on. If we can get to the root of the misunderstanding as soon as possible, we will be so much better off!

It's all about loving and respecting each other and caring for each other in the best way we know how. 

Mom-ism: 

Don't let the sun set on your anger. (Ephesians 4:26)

Really! Make up before you go to bed. Otherwise you fret about it, get no sleep, manufacture additional insults and injuries, and basically just make a bigger mess than you already had. You love each other, care about each other, respect each other, whatever the relationship is and you don't want to be angry at each other so kiss and make up, shake hands, or whatever is appropriate already!

I love you with all my mom-y little heart!